One Centuries-Old Trick Can Solve Your City’s Problems
This article first appeared on streets.mn. It is republished here with permission.
Do you live in an American city? I bet it has problems.
How many problems? Lots!
Cities are crowded. Cities have too many people in them. Cities are full of pollution. Cities are too loud. Cities have too much crime. Cities make you lonely. Cities make you want to get away from people. Cities are too expensive. Cities are not nice enough. Cities are badly run. Cities are going broke. Cities are wasteful. Cities don’t spend enough on basic amenities. Cities are unhealthy and not sustainable and have too many rich people and too many poor people. Cities have abandoned our traditional values. Cities are too obsessed with neighborhood character.
What if I told you that all of those problems can be a thing of the past? Scientists and urbanists and historians and doctors and regular people just trying to get around all agree that a solution to all of these problems can be found with one weird, simple trick that most people can master.
An ancient secret has solved the problems of cities for thousands of years. Few people have the opportunity to realize that one small hack can revolutionize urban life.
It’s called Walk More™.
Are you having trouble finding parking in Uptown or Downtown or “East Town”?
Walk More™ and your problem is solved!
Do you hate paying for parking downtown?
Park farther away and Walk More™.
Are you not getting enough exercise in your life?
Scientists working on these problems have just made a dramatic breakthrough. Thanks to Walk More™, almost anyone young and old can lead a healthier life.
Wait, are you sure about that?
Yes! A recent study from a prestigious university shows Walk More™ can be the critical difference leading to mental, physical and community health.
Are you feeling stressed?
Walk More™ solves that, too.
Do you not see enough people in your day-to-day life? Would you like to feel like part of a community?
More and more people are realizing that Walk More™ can drastically improve relationships with others.
Would you like to get out of the house more often, perhaps to get away from your roommate while they take over the kitchen again to make their weird soup?
In most cases, Walk More™ reduces domestic strife by at least 16 percent.
Do you like sunshine or rain or the sound of snow crunching under your boots?
With the innovative technology of Walk More™, all of these immersive effects are incorporated seamlessly into your user experience.
Are you fed up with all the traffic on the street? Do you hate driving with all those maniacs on the road?
Researchers at the Walk More™ institute in Madison, Wisconsin, have proven conclusively that another world is possible.
If Walk More™ isn’t a good fit for your lifestyle, you can also try Bike More™ or Roll More™! (Images via Unsplash [1], [2])
Do you want to help solve climate change and go free of fossil fuels?
Nine out of 10 experts agree that Walk More™ will reduce CO2 transportation emissions to almost nothing.
Are you sick of giving little kids asthma because of your means of transportation?
Walk More™ has been proven to have few side effects or negative externalities.
Do you like having casual conversations with friends while making keen observations about the world around you?
With six easy payments of $0.00, you can have the magic of Walk More™ in your life every day.
Do you need to save money on gas or parking or bus fare or car payments?
By cutting out the middleman, Walk More™ offers the lowest prices possible directly to you.
Do you like trees or birds or flowers or spiderwebs?
Thanks to Walk More™, you can see all of these things without paying an expensive monthly subscription.
Would you like to get exercise without going to the gym?
Studies have shown that most people can Walk More™, even more than one mile at a time.
Do you like to get lost in thought while enjoying fresh air, pondering the past and imagining the future in a low-key way that allows your brain to achieve maximum creativity?
Walk More™ is clinically proven to increase and alter moods and wellbeing.
Do you like holding hands with your children or significant other?
Walk More™ is an amazing scientific breakthrough that will double your opportunities for contact and companionship with your family.
Do you like watching leaves slowly bud and grow day by day on a tree that’s as old as you are?
Just a few minutes a day of Walk More™ will give your ocular receptors everything they need to appreciate the world around you.
Do you like wandering down a new street in an old neighborhood and discovering what can be found there?
You can boost your urban exploration results by up to 10 times with the magic of Walk More™.
Act now. Walk More™ assistants are standing by waiting for your call! Sign up today and receive a free trial opportunity to Walk More™ in your daily life.
Don’t miss it. Try Walk More™ today!
Bill Lindeke has been blogging about sidewalks and cities since 2005, ever since he read Jane Jacobs. He has a PhD in geography from the University of Minnesota, teaches geography around the Twin Cities, and is the author of three books: St. Paul: An Urban Biography, Closing Time, and Minneapolis/St. Paul: Then and Now. He was born in Minneapolis, but has spent most of his time in St. Paul. You can connect with Bill on Twitter @BillLindeke or on Facebook.